A friend of mine said she thinks this song is superior to anything ever written by Iggy Pop. I wouldn’t go that far, but it definitely blows my mind how Suicide could record that harsh mindfuck of a debut album, then turn around and record this: a junkie’s lullaby.
Siri:What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
Zooey Deschanel:Let's get tomato soup delivered!
Siri:...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel:Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
Siri:Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel:Remind me to clean up.
Siri:Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
Siri:I'm in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel:Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
Siri:I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel:Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
Siri:I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Siri:Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
New Jersey’s Personal and the Pizzas have announced their last official show before they retire to the great pizza in the sky. Perhaps they got in a fight with the delivery guy? They will be missed. Their last show is at Vitus in Oakland, CA, with Mean Jeans and King Louie’s Missing Monuments on May 26th. (Unfortunately, due to work visa issues, Royal Headache won’t be there.)
Ask me any one of these questions. Or tell me your own answers, and your reasons why.
1) What album do you consider to be “epic”?
2) Which band do you feel is more important: Crass or The Clash?
3) You’ve been in a terrible accident. You were horribly injured, so badly your heart actually stopped. Shit, man—you were legally dead for three minutes. Then you were in a coma for a week. When you’re finally starting to recover, your best friend brings you your iPod as you lay in your hospital bed. What song do you listen to first?
4) Name a musical collaboration you WISH had happened.
5) You’ve got a time machine. What show would you like to see?
6) Vinyl? MP3’s? Favorite format and why.
7) If David Bowie had looked and acted like Joe Pesci his entire career but still made the same records, would they mean as much to you? How about Madonna, Lady Gaga, Ozzy Osbourne, or other artists?
8) What musician would you most want to have sex with? Assume you’ve still got that time machine.
9) What musician would you go gay for?
10) You’re directing a movie based on your life. The screenplay was written by a psychic who knows you better than you know yourself, and even wrote scenes based on the parts of your life you haven’t even lived yet. What song do you play on the soundtrack for your birth? Your death? And for when you lost your virginity?
11) Your pick for the most overrated band of all time.
12) Name a record you’re kinda embarrassed to admit you like.
13) Name a song that makes you cry. Now tell me why.
14) Name a musician whose work you love, even if you suspect you’d absolutely hate him as a human being.
15) You’re a musician. If the only way you could support yourself as a musician would be to have Britney Spears’ career (not her personal life, but her career, singing the same shit Britney sings and raking in the same piles of money), would you do it?
16) Your favorite record that you’d never let your children listen to.
17) Name a song that makes you horny.
18) Name a song so bad it makes you angry.
19) You’re a radio DJ trapped in the studio as the world ends. How does it end, and what song do you choose to play in those final moments?